Pacing around the upstairs hallway, darting in and out of all the bedrooms, I tried to hide in reality as the idea attempted to stomp me out of existence. An idea so big my tiny self felt so much tinier. Infinitely small. My insides hurt like they had when I was a kid. Painful, localized weight. An awful stomach ache at the center of my body. For days this went on.
Instantly, suddenly, the pain was lifted.
There I was, sitting in my childhood bedroom, no stimulant in me besides the small cup of weak coffee I'd had hours earlier, experiencing what could only be described as pure, physical revelation. Everything in a moment. An emotional tidal-wave- an undefinable, undeniable feeling of completeness. The collapse of the linear timeline.
I became concerned that I couldn't support this breakthrough. That the breakthrough itself was in fact just me trying to justify my ignorant theories.
My human heart and mind scrambled to make sense of the divine experience: applying symbols and shapes and words and theories to the inexplicable phenomenon. I tried to define what this new vision meant to me me---what it mean to humanity---what it meant to the Universe.
I pause now, realizing what I'd experienced is too simple for the most complex logic. The true value of the idea is buried under assumptions about physical reality and the influence of mankind on its fellow persons. I haven't written the idea here. At this time, sharing the experience in detail would be a mistake, and trying to detail the implications of the experience would be inaccurate at best and thereby be a mistake. I desire to protect my mistakes until I've figured out how to correct them or manipulate them into something entertaining. Once the idea is at a place where I feel it can be shared, all mistakes are triumphs. Of course, what seems a mistake now might not actually be. In the long run, mistakes are always beneficial. A mistake made may be incorporated into the final product because it is better than what was believed to be desirable, or a mistake can help make visible patterns of what/how things shouldn't be said/done. However, as a mistake is being make, it is an obvious mistake.
The page is still blank, the point still needs to be taken, but in the mean-time I know my place is here on this planet, and regardless of how I interpret its treatment of my physical shape, I know I'm important to the composition of the world. Through the world, the Universe. Through the Universe, onward.